How to Practice Self-Love (and Navigating Cross-Cultural Conflicts)
Helene 
Discover how to practice self-love while navigating cross-cultural conflicts. Explore personal growth and understanding in a diverse world.
How to Practice Self-Love (and Navigating Cross-Cultural Conflicts)
Have you ever stood in front of a mirror and said to your reflection, “I love you”? Not just once, but several times—really looked at yourself and affirmed those words: I love you. It sounds powerful, doesn’t it? Yet, how often do we actually do it?
Self-love can feel foreign, especially when it’s easier to criticize ourselves or downplay our worth. For many of us, this tendency is shaped not just by personal habits but also by the cultural environments we grew up in.
The Challenge of Self-Love in a Cultural Context
In my experience, growing up in Chinese culture, humility is highly valued. We are taught not to boast, and self-praise can be frowned upon. Whilst it is acceptable to show wealth, for example on special occasions it is a great opportunity to wear your family gold, expressing love for oneself or acknowledging one’s inner beauty feels almost taboo.
As a child, I remember receiving compliments from
family friends, only for my mother to quickly deny them. “Oh no,
she’s not pretty,” she’d say, and though it was most likely
intended as humility, it planted seeds of self-doubt in my young
mind.
It’s a strange dynamic, isn't it? We are often generous with others, showering them with love and attention. We buy gifts for our friends, and we value their presence in our lives. Yet, when it comes to ourselves, we hesitate. How many times have you caught yourself saying, “I don’t deserve this,” whether it’s a spa day, a new outfit, or even taking a break?
But here's the truth: Self-love isn’t about treating yourself extravagantly—it’s about recognizing your worth and honoring it.
What Self-Love Really Means
Self-love manifests in many forms. It’s about setting boundaries, saying no when you need to protect your energy, and surrounding yourself with people who elevate rather than drain you. In friendships, if someone constantly puts you down or disrespects your time, self-love means recognizing that this relationship may no longer serve you.
As parents, but especially as the mother, we are often too hard on ourselves. We may berate ourselves when faced with challenges, constantly questioning if we are "good enough." But self-love means understanding that doing your best is enough.
It’s also about finding your voice.
Asians are not always known for being vocal. I will always remember being on a crowded subway in Tokyo when I lived there, and watching as a girl was gradually looking more and more uncomfortable.
It took me a while to realise that the man standing next to her was physically violating her, and by the time I realised, in shock, the doors had opened and the crowd had rushed out. I felt torn between rage at the perpetrator, and saddened that this girl couldn’t find the voice to speak up for herself.
But speaking up would have drawn attention, and in that moment, shame overshadowed her ability to act. It’s a harsh reminder of how difficult it can be to prioritize self-preservation when it conflicts with social norms.
Yes us Asian girls are meant to be quiet and demure. See my articles on expressing feelings written during the pandemic below.
Self-Sabotage vs. Self-Value
Self-love also means not comparing yourself to others. We all have different circumstances and responsibilities. Some individuals have grown up with more material and emotional support, and that may instil a confidence from a young age, that naturally spills into their lives and businesses.
But self-love is about acknowledging your unique journey and not letting self-doubt prevent you from embracing new opportunities. Are you creating space for growth, or are you self-sabotaging by believing others can succeed, but you can't? To recap:
Practical Ways to Practice Self-Love
- Treat Yourself: Invest in your well-being without guilt. Whether it's buying a nice outfit or treating yourself to a spa day, remember that you deserve it.
- Set Boundaries: Learning to say "no" and establishing healthy boundaries in relationships is a powerful act of self-love.
- Avoid Comparison: Everyone's journey is unique. Focus on your own growth rather than comparing yourself to others.
- Rest and Self-Care: Give yourself permission to rest and recharge. It's not just a luxury; it's a necessity.
- Embrace Your Worth: Recognize your inherent value and potential. Don't self-sabotage by doubting your abilities.
Somatic Practices and Self-Love
One way to deepen self-love is through the body, using somatic practices to reconnect with your inner self. In my work with Niio Dance, I’ve seen how powerful embodiment can be in healing and cultivating self-worth.
When we drop into the body and listen to its wisdom, we can discover a new sense of freedom, ease, and flow. Through dance, movement, and breathwork, we give ourselves permission to release tension and make space for self-care at the deepest levels—physical, emotional, and spiritual.
Somatic practices invite you to feel your value in your body, rather than just intellectualizing it. It’s not just about treating yourself to a massage or a new haircut (though these acts of care are important too)—it’s about inhabiting your body in a way that honors your worth.
When we engage in embodied practices, like the movements in Niio Dance, we create a dialogue between mind and body, fostering deeper connection and self-acceptance. This is where real transformation happens—when self-love isn’t just a mental practice but a full-body experience.
Incorporating Somatics and Niio Dance
Somatics is a powerful tool for self-love and Niio dance, with its focus on empowerment and self-expression, offers a unique way to connect with your body and embrace self-love through movement.
- Body Awareness: Use Niio dance to develop a deeper connection with your body, fostering self-acceptance and appreciation.
- Emotional Release: Through dance, release pent-up emotions and stress, promoting emotional well-being.
- Empowerment: Experience the strength and capability of your body, boosting confidence and self-esteem.
- Mindfulness: Incorporate mindful movement practices to stay present and cultivate self-compassion.
Radical Acts of Self-Care
Self-love can also be radical. It may involve breaking free from cultural conditioning or familial expectations. For some, this means giving themselves permission to rest, even in a world that glorifies overwork.
When I was in Japan fpr example, I found it incredulous that office workers would stay late into the evening, even when their work for the day was done, to not look lazy.
Self-love can also mean saying yes to opportunities for growth or healing.
Do you love yourself enough to create new opportunities? Or do you find yourself thinking, “They can do it, but I’m not sure I can”?
Honoring who you are—your worth, your value, your potential—is a continuous practice. It requires constant attention and effort. But when we start integrating self-love into our everyday lives, it becomes a source of strength and liberation.
Closing Thoughts
Jalāl
ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī (1207–1273),
the Persian
poet, Islamic scholar, and Sufi mystic
aka Rumi once said,
“Why
do you stay in prison when the door is wide open?”
This quote resonates deeply with me. For years, I imprisoned myself in self-doubt and inadequacy, feeling unworthy of the love that I could give to others. But the door was always open, and it still is— for all of us.
Self-love is an ongoing journey. It’s about acknowledging the
cultural and personal barriers we face, and making a choice to
embrace our full, authentic selves despite them. Whether through a
simple affirmation, or by dropping into the body and finding new
freedom through movement, self-love is available to us all.
You are worthy of love. You are worthy of care. And you are worthy
of living a life that honors your potential.
I am holding a Somatic Dance Challenge soon – a radical act of validating ourselves, our life force, and all that we are capable of: Ignite your Inner Fire; Reclaim your Passion and Purpose – 28th October - 1st November
If you doubt whether it is for you, for whatever self-sabotaging reason, the answer is YES IT IS!!
Please join us on the link below:
https://www.niiodance.com/f/ig...
FURTHER READING
Past articles you may be interested in:
On racial trauma and mental health here:
https://www.niiodance.com/blog/racial-trauma-and-mental-health
On freedom of expression:
https://www.niiodance.com/blog...
On embodiment and mental health
https://www.niiodance.com/blog...
Categories: : ancestors, embodiment, mental health, somatics